Forever Young- Do chronic illnesses infantalize us?
Being cared for, it's something we all want right? Something we should all be receiving and offering. But having your life scheduled around hospital appointments where all you are required to do is talk and think about yourself, is bound to cause an imbalance between the help and attention we receive and what we can also offer. I speak for myself when I admit that I got (and sometimes still get) so accustomed to it being all about me that I often forget that others also intrinsically may want and need the same attention. I'm not saying I have been selfish, I've always deeply cared (often too much) about other's feelings and needs. But sometimes because, to me, my problems seem greater I have found myself trivialising and ignoring those of others.
Reflecting on all this has had me questioning (for a while now) whether chronic illnesses can somewhat bring out the child within us? Whether all these routine appointments, every time someone else has offered to do something for us because we already have enough on our plate, every time my mum has told me "don't worry, I can do it"; whether all these things have led me to regress back to a child like mindset where I just sit back, relax and let others take control. It's not that I'm lazy, unmotivated or just can't be bothered but I have this innate sense that everything will be looked after, that I will be looked after. And maybe that's a quality I look for in any sort of relationship, an intrinsic desire to be looked after. Not because I'm not capable myself, I know I am, but someone I can rely on to take control if needs be. During quarantine I have had time to reflect, to gather my thoughts on this. I am extremely lucky to be with my mum and sister during lock down, but I'll admit I probably take on 20% of household chores, leaving them to share the remaining 80% between them. Again, this is not because I want them to do everything for me but the subconscious personal mantra that everything will be taken care of. Also, I hate to admit it, but I feel like things will just run smoother if somebody else takes the reins.
The number of appointments and therapy sessions where all I've had to talk about is myself is unfathomable. Diary entries tracking my illness contain nothing but me, myself and I. Being asked to go into into detail about how you're feeling as soon as you step foot into that hospital room (I used to ask the same question back thinking they were just being polite). This all mirrors and facilitates the egocentric mentality we all had as young children. The mindset that the world revolves around us. I'm not complaining, Lord knows I love talking about myself. But sometimes it's hard, it can be difficult to snap out of that and leave the 'me' talk at the hospital. When you've grown up around people constantly asking how you are, checking up on you and not expecting anything in return it can create a somewhat distorted sense of reality.
So this begs the question. do chronic illness' infantalize us?
Reflecting on all this has had me questioning (for a while now) whether chronic illnesses can somewhat bring out the child within us? Whether all these routine appointments, every time someone else has offered to do something for us because we already have enough on our plate, every time my mum has told me "don't worry, I can do it"; whether all these things have led me to regress back to a child like mindset where I just sit back, relax and let others take control. It's not that I'm lazy, unmotivated or just can't be bothered but I have this innate sense that everything will be looked after, that I will be looked after. And maybe that's a quality I look for in any sort of relationship, an intrinsic desire to be looked after. Not because I'm not capable myself, I know I am, but someone I can rely on to take control if needs be. During quarantine I have had time to reflect, to gather my thoughts on this. I am extremely lucky to be with my mum and sister during lock down, but I'll admit I probably take on 20% of household chores, leaving them to share the remaining 80% between them. Again, this is not because I want them to do everything for me but the subconscious personal mantra that everything will be taken care of. Also, I hate to admit it, but I feel like things will just run smoother if somebody else takes the reins.
The number of appointments and therapy sessions where all I've had to talk about is myself is unfathomable. Diary entries tracking my illness contain nothing but me, myself and I. Being asked to go into into detail about how you're feeling as soon as you step foot into that hospital room (I used to ask the same question back thinking they were just being polite). This all mirrors and facilitates the egocentric mentality we all had as young children. The mindset that the world revolves around us. I'm not complaining, Lord knows I love talking about myself. But sometimes it's hard, it can be difficult to snap out of that and leave the 'me' talk at the hospital. When you've grown up around people constantly asking how you are, checking up on you and not expecting anything in return it can create a somewhat distorted sense of reality.
So this begs the question. do chronic illness' infantalize us?
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