How using a walking stick is helping my anxiety
Up until a month ago today I was terrified of using a walking aid. Why? I can't really put my finger on it........
A few weeks ago yet again I sprained my ankle -ironically this was partly due to my refusal of actually using my walking aid in the first place- . Cut to the next day and I was using my walking stick to get around. I didn't feel self conscious or inferior to anyone else. If anyone would stop to ask what was wrong or what had happened I'd simply laugh it off and explain that I'd sprained my ankle.
I think that's the question that upsets me the most: what has happened? Because if I didn't have the excuse of having comically weak ankles I don't think I'd have the confidence to reply to "what happened?" with "Oh I just was born with faulty genes, no biggie". My fear of eliciting pity and feeling inferior is overwhelming. And in the past a handful of people have just regretted (I could tell) asking "why do you walk like that" so I also have a fear of indirectly making others feel bad or uncomfortable when they get an honest answer.
Spending just over two weeks using my stick has made me realise that all of the worry I had about standing out like a sore thumb was for nothing. In the nicest way possible, nobody gave a shit. Everyone is so caught up in their own world that no one (okay, maybe a few, my walking stick is a bold, shiny red) looked twice. That was one irrational fear that I could cross off.
Symptoms of Ataxia may make us look like we've been on the sesh for a week when in fact many people with it choose not to drink because of the lack of coordination and ludicrous sense of balance that come along with the condition. Because of this I often have gotten horrible anxiety whilst out, pessimistically wondering what others are thinking when they see me. Using a stick has helped not only physically but by eliminating this worry because there is a slim chance that someone will miss my walking aid and therefore will know that I have mobility challenges. (sidenote: can we all use the word challenges instead of issues, everyone faces challenges and they can also have positive connotations!)
I'm not saying a walking aid has put and end to my anxiety. If only it were that simple! But it has definitely helped, I am no longer worried about what people would think as well as anticipating whether or not I'd have enough energy and strength to get from A to B.
A few weeks ago yet again I sprained my ankle -ironically this was partly due to my refusal of actually using my walking aid in the first place- . Cut to the next day and I was using my walking stick to get around. I didn't feel self conscious or inferior to anyone else. If anyone would stop to ask what was wrong or what had happened I'd simply laugh it off and explain that I'd sprained my ankle.
I think that's the question that upsets me the most: what has happened? Because if I didn't have the excuse of having comically weak ankles I don't think I'd have the confidence to reply to "what happened?" with "Oh I just was born with faulty genes, no biggie". My fear of eliciting pity and feeling inferior is overwhelming. And in the past a handful of people have just regretted (I could tell) asking "why do you walk like that" so I also have a fear of indirectly making others feel bad or uncomfortable when they get an honest answer.
Spending just over two weeks using my stick has made me realise that all of the worry I had about standing out like a sore thumb was for nothing. In the nicest way possible, nobody gave a shit. Everyone is so caught up in their own world that no one (okay, maybe a few, my walking stick is a bold, shiny red) looked twice. That was one irrational fear that I could cross off.
Symptoms of Ataxia may make us look like we've been on the sesh for a week when in fact many people with it choose not to drink because of the lack of coordination and ludicrous sense of balance that come along with the condition. Because of this I often have gotten horrible anxiety whilst out, pessimistically wondering what others are thinking when they see me. Using a stick has helped not only physically but by eliminating this worry because there is a slim chance that someone will miss my walking aid and therefore will know that I have mobility challenges. (sidenote: can we all use the word challenges instead of issues, everyone faces challenges and they can also have positive connotations!)
I'm not saying a walking aid has put and end to my anxiety. If only it were that simple! But it has definitely helped, I am no longer worried about what people would think as well as anticipating whether or not I'd have enough energy and strength to get from A to B.
An Absolutely GREAT Read! Thank you for posting and sharing your experiences. It's beyond insightful and it allows for us to open up the platforms for others to Embrace the Walking Stick and Rock It with Style. Love that you picked a "Bold Shiny Red" to join you on your adventures. Looking forward to reading more. -Maria, CA, USA
ReplyDeleteYour blog is interesting, well written and glad to hear that you're finding the stick helpful:; but sadly the stick is not for all of us. My biggest fear is going in a wheelchair - which I was advised to do at 35 by a neurologist in Oxford, but no way was that going to happen. I began using walking poles about 13 years ago (I was 45) and I was asked, "Why was I walking with those", I replied that I needed them for stability! After a year, I upgraded to 1 stick as the poles weren't supportive enough! After about 5 years of using a foldup stick, I twisted my knee just walking into the house!! In hospital they gave me a crutch, so I adapted to using that, but after 2 years as my wobbliness got more apparent, I wasn't stable with the crutch, so my neurologist suggested that I use a walker. This is a Godsend!! I feel more stable and my confidence got even better. My Dad bought me a Rollator, which makes me stand more upright and my legs are closer together, which meant that my hips were not hurting much at all. I go on buses now too, which gets me out of the house.
ReplyDeleteI too have experienced all of your fears and when I was a teenager, people asked me why did I walk funny - I didn't have any answers for myself until I was diagnosed at 34. So embrace walking upright, walk with your head held high! Well done for writing your blogs and YES I too look forward to hearing more from you.
Much love Claire, Leicester UK
Hi Claire, I'm so glad to hear such good feedback, such a motivation as writing is a massive part of how I deal with everything. Yes it's difficult, especially at 21 when you see your friends out there partying and having fun (and the image obsession that comes with being in your 20s!).
DeleteIt's so nice to know that we aren't alone with this! Just out of curiosity what type of ataxia (if it is ataxia you have) do you have?
Thanks again xxxx
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