I FEEL sub-average

I'm not going to pretend that I wasn't one of the girls counting down the days till Amy Schumer's new feel good film 'I FEEL PRETTY'; but I definitely wasn't one of the girls who felt more confident than ever when I walked out of that cinema room.

I really like Schumer's previous work, and 100% would have said I was a fan. Now I'm about as keen
on Amy as I am stable (50%, give or take 5% depending on the day). I knew many people who all told me the same thing "it won't be funny" or "it sends out the wrong message", I just thought that everyone needed to lighten up, it was all a bit of fun and games, no harm intended.

For anyone who hasn't seen the film it is basically based on a girl (Amy herself duh!) who, like most girls has insecurities. After about half an hour (or what seemed like it) of making a point that being slim and beautiful will get you further in life, Amy attends a spin class and due to being distracted by the other flawless women that make up 1% of our population (if that), she falls off her bike and hits her head. As a result she wakes up feeling flawless, and under the impression that her stomach was like a washboard. Of course, this is what confidence is all about for the modern white, privileged woman of today. With this new found confidence Amy is able to achieve anything, and life's obstacles, well they were non-existent!! Amy got a new job, a fashion sense and best of all a boyfriend!!!!!!

I wasn't watching in admiration of Amy's confidence; no, I was in awe of her ability to walk in heels, her ability to carry on walking without stopping to rest. I wanted to be that girl,  the girl who doesn't struggle to see clearly, the girl who's mind isn't constantly disorientated and disconnected.

But once she lost this confidence, she lost everything (or nearly, because who'd want to watch that?). Amy felt like her boyfriend would no longer love her if she didn't look like a barbie doll, her boyfriend was just as confused as I was when I sat my exams. Amy's job was slipping through her fingers as she realised she wasn't this unblemished beauty and was in fact an average looking blonde woman with a great personality (as if that matters though!) this obviously meant that she was unworthy to carry out her dreams as a receptionist for a beauty conglomerate.

Of course everything worked out well for Amy, who even made up with her friends who she neglected because 'fitting in' and being beautiful is far more important.

Whilst watching this movie I did not feel better about myself, I did not feel empowered and I  deffo was not feeling confident. Instead I felt insecure, unworthy and irritated. Irritated that someone views themselves as being valueless just because they don't share similarities with a Victoria Secret model.

To be honest I may have shed a few tears whilst watching, I just felt more insecure than ever, if being pretty was such a barrier to success then what chance did I have?

I know that  everyone has insecurities and I really, really get that, I honestly can't emphasise that enough.

But honestly, I'm jealous. I wonder what it'd be like if my only insecurity was that I didn't look picture perfect 24/7. If being beautiful solved all my problems.

I have gone through times (and still go through phases) where I don't feel worthy, I often see myself as sub-average, often thinking why would someone want me over some other fully able and fun girl? I have battled (not yet overcome!) these feelings, I try to improve my confidence, try to own my condition. Try and enable my inner confidence. The nonchalance behaviour portrayed in this film, ignoring everything other than appearance really knocked my confidence.

Personally, this film emphasised the importance of stereotypical beauty and suggested that there was a relationship between beauty and confidence.  Paying no attention to the importance of healthy relationships, self-esteem boosting friendships and surrounding yourself with people who love and accept you for you.

I, for one, get my confidence from others. Knowing that my friends and family like me for me is what makes me feel worthy, makes me feel unstoppable.

I can't blame anyone for me feeling like this, but I can educate, I know that this behaviour and mentality is just ignorance (blissful eh?); why would someone who hasn't lost something truly valuable like health, something that affects their everyday life even think twice about someone who has. I wouldn't expect that of anyone. I know it wasn't till I was unable to do what others took for granted that I stopped to think. Ask me 5 years ago what was my biggest insecurity was and it would have been something superficial. Something like "I'm not as skinny as my friends", seems so insignificant now, but back then being skinny would have been life changing.

So is ignorance bliss? When sometimes one mans ignorance can make another feel worthless?