My biggest regret

The future. That was what I was looking forward to the most. I'm a planner, a serial planner. I knew I was going to have to work hard because I knew the future I wanted for myself. I knew every thing, from the way I was going to dress to what I would be like. Every year of my life I knew who I was going to be the following year. Lot's of the time I never got it quite right and would get upset because I felt like my hard work wasn't paying off. But it wasn't till a few years ago when I chose a different path to getting where I wanted to be that I learnt that I could achieve what I envisioned for myself and enjoy myself while I was at it. So there I was for the first time in my life I felt like I was where I wanted to be at that stage. And then it got snatched away from underneath my feet (quite literally!). It's like a parent taking a child to 'toys r us' and then breaking the news that they forgot their wallet. If I had known that my future wasn't as controllable as I had hoped then I probably would have spent more time enjoying myself. If I knew I wasn't going to be able to wear high heels in the future then I would have worn them everyday when I was younger. And if I knew I wouldn't cope on long walks in the countryside I wouldn't have spent the whole afternoon complaining! That's the thing about the future; as much as we try to control it, we can't predict the hurdles that may be thrown at us. Some people may have a bumpy ride, others (myself included) may face mountains that we don't think we'll ever be able to climb. I'm not looking forward to my climb, I fear it everyday because I don't know at which point I'm going to fall (again, quite literally!) and if eventually I'll find a path, or if I'm going to have to find my own way. It's frustrating to feel like you can't live everyday to the fullest, I wish I'd done that when I could. If I knew what I know now I would have jumped out of bed everyday. I would have taken the dog out for a walk everyday, I would have actually taken part in P.E classes and I definitely wouldn't have worried so much about what other people thought of me. I've definitely learnt now, I've learnt that we should never take anything for granted, from our family to tiny things like our balance!