The Jealousy is killing me

We're all jealous of someone or something. Whether it's a materialistic thing or a quality. It's in our nature to want what we can't have. It's only recently that I've found that what I want the most is something that the majority of the population take for granted. I want what I don't have but I really need. Jealousy comes over me most days, not in a spiteful way but in a way where I'm left feeling hurt and hopeless. For example, the other day I went to a concert -this was quite a big achievement for me-; my heart started pounding as I grabbed onto the handrail for dear life as me and my friend climbed the what seemed to be the smallest stairs I've ever come across to find our row; my legs started shaking as I carefully shuffled along the narrow aisle till I found my seat. My friend could do this in her sleep and boom the first wave of jealousy hit me. The concert was without doubt enjoyable, but I couldn't help but stare wistfully at other concert goers as they stood up from their seats and danced along to the music. 5 years ago that was me, I could stand in a narrow space and sing/dance along to Ariana Grande without the fear of falling over and losing my balance and boom there goes the second pang of jealousy. Of course I get envious when I look at Victoria Secret models with their toned torso's or when I obsessively check Kylie Jenner's Instagram; but I can survive knowing that I most likely will never have what they have. What I struggle with is seeing people do everyday "normal" things and realise that I can no longer do them. I feel like going up and reminding people how lucky they are when they can mix up their workouts in the gym, because for them nothing is really off limits. The jealousy kills when I see my friends drinking and living their life to the fullest knowing that I would be bed bound for a month if I did what they did! I'm not ungrateful for what I do have, I realise how lucky I am to have a great support network, money for medication, a gym to help keep my core tight (helps with balance!), a mum who makes sure I'm eating right and friends who make me laugh everyday. But I think I'm allowed to be jealous of people who can participate in dance classes, girls who can wear high heels, the majority of people who can walk in a straight line and not trip over thin air!