Ataxic Fantastic

Ataxia is the name given to a group of neurological disorders that affect balance, coordination, and speech. Ataxia is very rare, only 1 in half a million in the UK have what I have got; I WAS CLAIMING TO BE SPECIAL ALL ALONG AND NOW THERE'S EVIDENCE! There are many different types of ataxia that can affect people in different ways. I have Spinocerebellar Atxia type one (catchy name, I know)! It's a nuisance; I describe it as a bully; except (unlike many I've encountered) I cannot reason with it, I cannot run away and I cannot hide. I have to face this bully everyday, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. My ataxia affects me in different ways, my speech is often slurred, I feel dizzy and drunk even when I'm not, my co ordination and balance are terrible, my handwriting (fine motor skills) is like that of a 5 year old and it takes me 5 times the time to process information. Because of this I get tired very easily and have consequently got a bit of anxiety and depression. I get anxious in a restaurant because I'd rather hold it in than get up and walk to the toilet on my own; I get anxious about going out as I have often been refused entry as I'm "too drunk", as a result I just feel hopeless and upset, I feel like if I want to carry out any normal task it will take 10x more effort, so often I just don't. The worst part about Ataxia is THERE IS NO ONE TO BLAME! There is no pointing fingers with Ataxia, you are just unlucky, your body has let you down and everyday you have to find the strength to fight it. One of the worst parts about it is that it's an invisible illness, no one could tell by just looking at me. They are the worst! Feeling like you have to prove that you are suffering; knowing that people get frustrated because they can't understand WHY you aren't able to do something (IMAGINE HOW FRUSTRATED I AM BECAUSE I CAN'T DO IT!) You may feel better by telling others, but no one understand completely, no one understands that everyday we face new challenges, the simplest things like turning corners and carrying a cup of tea without spilling it is difficult. Everyday I add to my collection of bruises, everyday I wonder, WHY ME? When I was younger my parents would always take me and my sister on these long walks, I used to hate them! Now I'd give anything to be able to go on a long walk with my family and not feel like absolute shit. If I could undo the mess Ataxia has made I promise I'd never complain again! These are the reasons I made this blog, to talk to people who understand, someone who gets it, someone like me who does live a life that looks "normal" (whatever normal is) and very few know you're having to give it all you got. If you suffer from ataxia or any other disability or learning difficulty I want you to know you are not alone, go on Facebook, I did and found dozens of groups for different types of ataxia (I belong to many!); I've recently made a friend in Barcelona by typing in #ataxia on Instagram and found this girl my age who has Freidrichs Ataxia and lives such a cool life (my new inspo!) Social Media is such a good way to find people like you. And trust me, whether you're newly diagnosed (like me) or have been suffering for a while everyone could do with another friend, another person to talk to; to share advice and to vent to. So please, comment or share if you'd like to talk because if I can do anything to help someone like me I will!