Disability, Motherhood & Me- one year on

Motherhood has changed my life. What a line. An overused and predictable cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason and it feels good to feel like I belong to another community. To have problems and go through challenges that are more universally understood. To feel “normal” and seen as a mother not just a disabled person.

I’d dreamt of being a mother ever since I can remember, it was all I wanted. When I was diagnosed that’s the first place my mind went to. I’ll never be a mother, I truly believed that.

Nearly 2 years have passed since our little girl arrived and it has been an adventure. There have been highs and lows, laughter and tears. But having a little human come running for cuddles every time I fall over makes it all worthwhille. She is already more empathetic than lots of adults so it is usually me comforting her when my body doesn’t play ball. We can’t wait to watch her turn into a tolerant, kind and gentle person, that is when she’s not hungry!

She has already learnt that her mummy just cannot do what others can. She knows that I can’t carry her and that cuddles take place on the sofa. To bring me her toys instead of me carrying everything. Sometimes she walks backwards or waddles like a penguin (I do wonder whether that’s her copying me! ).She is so independent and knows her own mind, I often forget she’s only a toddler.

Being a parent has legitimised me, I am now a real adult and people dont infantilise me. That’s how it feels anyway. It’s not just others who take me more seriously but I take myself more seriously too. I no longer feel useless or a burden because she needs me, it’s empowering raising a child in the face of adversity and challenges; I’m proud of myself for that.

They say it takes a village, what I have learnt is that this village is the kindest, most understanding and willing to help. It really means the world to know you are not alone, because every parent has their challenges, mine are just more visible, in a way I’m fortunate that it is fairly obvious when I need an extra pair of hands.

When I was first diagnosed I didn’t use a walking aid for years, mostly due to ego. Now I love my rollater, it has given me my independence back and people can clearly see my disability and are a lot more tolerant. When I’m out with Yasmin I use her pram, which I’ve added handbrakes to. At first glance I look like any other mother, and I have to admit I quite like that. But my disability becomes invisible again and people aren’t aware I need extra help. And the looks and tuts start rolling in once again.

“Disabled and a mother, yeah right” I was told when we used my blue badge and Yasmin was in the back. These comments are far and few between the positive and encouraging comments, but obviously they are hard to ignore and forget.

I’ve a newfound appreciation and admiration for my partner, without his constant help and understanding it would have been unimaginably more difficult, I’m so lucky that he was able to take 6 months off, helping me recover and learn the ropes. The bond he has with our little girl is iron tight, they are inseparable.

My heart still breaks and I shed a little tear when I can’t play with her in the park like all the other mums do, but she has become so sociable I also can’t help but smile watching her confidently interact with other parents and children alike.

So, maybe parenthood and disability can co exist, just a little differently.